Marilyn Sargent and I had such a wonderful time when we went to the Late Show on September 26, 1996, that when I was fortunate enough to get tickets again, I was so pleased she could join me.

The tickets were a gift from my Late Show Online buddy, Winkibeee, because she couldn't use them, and she knew I had a birthday approaching. Wink, no words can express my gratitude.

On Wednesday, June 4, I arrived at my hotel in NYC about 5:30, and I was outside The Ed by 6:00. I decided to call Donz5, from the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup, then Marilyn, to firm up our plans for the next day, Show Day. I also saw Paul Shaffer get into a Lincoln towne car, and he was wearing the most beautiful black silk suit I'd ever seen. When the theater pretty much closed up, I wandered around the city a bit, checked out Times Square, and wound up back at Joe G's for pizza.

I was about to go back to the room, but decided to see, just for kicks, if I could catch Dave leaving the Ed. No sooner had I crossed the street to sit on the benches by Roy Rogers, when I saw the Stealth turn the corner and park at the door on 53rd. It sat there for about fifteen minutes. I stood against a sign post right by those phones that Dave always calls, maybe 15 feet from the car. Then Dave came out with his bodyguard Bill leading the way. He saw me and actually hesitated for a fraction of a second, probably thinking, "Oh my God, she's gonna come over here and hug me around my neck and I'll be crippled for life!" But I didn't move, just smiled at him, and he drove away unhassled by me. Damn, I'm good. I went up to the room and called Marilyn again to report my first Dave sighting.

Thursday, June 5. Marilyn arrived right on time, we called Donz5 and told him we'd be hanging out at the Ed, waiting to get our tickets numbered, and he could come by any time.

Just like our previous visit, we had tickets for the late taping on Thursday, to be televised on Friday, so we assumed the same numbering procedure was in place - back then, both shows were numbered at the same time, 2:00. We were amongst the first in line, only a few people in front of us, and only two of them having 7:30 tickets - but when the page came out, she said that the 7:30 tickets would be numbered at 3:00 and that we should form a new line then. Of course, neither the two people in front of us, nor we, were about to abandon our standing, so we moved over a few feet from the early show line, closer to the curb - and were promptly told we couldn't stand there. Well, where should we stand, over there? - pointing to the area closer to the Ed. "Yeah, over there. No, not there." Considering the pages do this every week, don't you think they'd have a procedure? So we solved it our own way - Marilyn and one of the guys stood at the curb, and the other guy and I stood close to the building, preparing for either eventuality. They don't give those tickets to chimps, you know.

It was eventually decided that we should line up near the curb. The two guys in front of us started moaning and groaning about having to wait another hour, they were hungry, but they didn't want to lose their place in line, either. So I said, tell ya what - we'll hold your place in line .... behind us. We'll be 1 and 2, you'll be 3 and 4. They agreed. Aha! Marilyn and I were in front of the line! That was certainly worth another hour of waiting. But you know what? About 3 minutes later, a page appeared with a counter and a marker - and those two guys were nowhere in sight. Oh well.

Holding ticket numbers 1 and 2, we commenced the "hanging out at the Ed" phase of the day. It was a gloriously sunny day, and Late Show employees were soaking up the rays. First up: Paul. He was just mulling around, not involved with anyone or anything in particular, so Marilyn said hi. I asked him about his beautiful threads of the night before, and he said it was just some cheap polyester suit! He graciously posed for a picture with each of us. Then Donz came by, and the festivities kicked into high gear. Over the course of maybe 2 1/2 hours, we schmoozed with the likes of Eric Kaplan, Gerard Mulligan, Felicia (with a poodle over her shoulder, no less), Barbara Gaines, and an extremely congenial Rob Burnett, (pictured here with Maxx). Let's consider, shall we, that this is the Executive Producer of the show, the guy with the weight of the Late Show world on his back, for whom there are probably not enough hours in the day. Rob posed for pictures and had a conversation with us. Not a brief chat, not an obligatory, polite greeting to two crazed Letterheads, but a conversation. I'm sure Donz's presence had a lot to do with that - but I'm still SO impressed.

But we do like our musicians, and listening to Will Lee talk about the times he's met Paul McCartney, and discussing web sites with Marilyn, and answering all my dumb questions about our show's guest, John Fogerty - may I add that he was NOT wearing the porkpie hat, his hair's getting longer, and he was looking extremely fine?

And then, and then, along comes Tom "Bones" Malone, looking every bit as fine in a brunette kinda way, curiously wearing several layers of t-shirts and a bungee cord/sax holder thing, talking about the new Blues Brothers film and touring and recording ... I'm feeling warmer and warmer ... oh, where was I? Anyway, he posed for a Marilyn/Maxx sandwich photo, and Marilyn had a really good hold on his bungee, if you know what I mean!

Of course we stopped in to see Rupert, who was very busy and still found time to spend with us. He called Donz in, so Marilyn and I followed, barged in front of a considerably long line of paying customers, and proceeded to tell him - in response to an interview he'd done for Late Show Online in which he expressed misgivings about having worn that superhero costume because he feels he doesn't have a good body - that he has a great body, he has nothing to worry about, it was the costume that was stupid. "You made my day', he said, smiling that wonderful big smile of his.

We returned to The Ed at precisely 6:45 to take our places in line as Numero Uno y Dos. It was nearly 1/2 hour before they let us in, and the anxiety was driving me ... and, therefore, Donz and Marilyn ... NUTS! Donz bid us farewell and we led the crowd (I love saying that) into the theater. We were seated in the first row ... not! As anyone who's been to the Ed knows, there is a front row consisting of three seats on Dave's side of the theater. This is where we were hoping to sit. Instead, we were seated all the way to the right in the next row, which is still kind of the front row because it's right up to the stage, very close to Inky and Alan, just a few feet closer and a little more to the right than we were last time. Depending on where they place the cameras and who stands in front of you, the view from there is either exquisite or completely obstructed.

Here's the routine: videos (Dave talks to kids), comedian (Eddie Brill, not Wally Collins), band intro, music, yadayadayada, and then there's DAVE! There's DAVE! Dave? Where's Dave? Anybody seen Dave? No, Dave's not ready yet - okay, another joke from Eddie, and THEN there's DAVE - this time for real! My heart was pounding. Marilyn repeated, "Get ready. Get ready."

• ANY QUESTIONS? Even though I was sitting way at the end, my hand flew into the air. And my arm. And probably most of my body.
• THE WOMAN AT THE END OF THE ROW, he said, pointing to me. This is it. It has actually happened to me. Dave has chosen me. I have been chosen. I am THE chosen one. I stood up - I don't know if you're supposed to stand, but I did. Marilyn later told me that Will recognized me and waved .... for some reason I didn't notice.
• WHAT'S YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM? "Eileen, from Florida," I said.
• EVERYBODY SAY HI TO EILEEN! "Hi Eileen," the audience said.
• WHAT CITY IN FLORIDA? Since I live in such a small town, I replied: "Port Richey - it's in the Tampa Bay area."
• HEH HEH HEH - YOU'RE LYING, AREN'T YOU? WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION? "My friend and I are from the Troubled Loner's Chat Room on AOL ....." [at this time the band started the theme and drowned out the rest of my question] ".... and we'd like to know when you're going to join us."
• I'LL GET BACK TO YOU, Dave said, pointing at me before he ran backstage.

Of course, he didn't. I sat down, and I didn't get a ham.

The show started, and shortly after he began his opening remarks, he said: MINUTES BEFORE WE CAME ON THE AIR, I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING, IT WAS FASCINATING, I HAD A GRIPPING TWO-SECOND CONVERSATION WITH A WOMAN FROM THE TAMPA AREA. UNBELIEVABLE! He pointed to me, and if you look very carefully between the clapping hands of the pinhead sitting next to Marilyn, you can almost see me! I am now an opening remark! And you can hear it here!

Dave Speaks!

I love the CBS Mailbag and I'm very pleased to have seen it twice. Mulligan as the ass-grabbing angel: We were right next to Alan, and let me tell you, when Mulligan grabbed Alan's ass .... he really grabbed Alan's ass! And he kept on grabbing until the bit was over. A side note: we'd seen the coffee-filter wings being taken from Rupert's to the Ed earlier that day and figured it had to be for a bit. Biff's "rake on the blackboard" just about did me in.

Dave did the Top Ten after the first commercial, then introduced Farrah after the second commercial, but it was edited differently for the telecast. It was during the second commercial that I came up with the idea of asking Alan to tell somebody that I wanted a ham, so I waved him over. Being the swell guy he is, he stepped offstage and sat right in front of us, poised to listen to whatever we had to say. I immediately realized it was a stupid idea, but Alan was there and I had to say something, so I reminded him of how nice he was to us the last time we were there, how much we appreciated it, and how great it was to be right next to him again. He was charming and gracious, as usual.

We weren't thrilled about having Farrah Fawcett as a guest, but, in truth, we were there to see Dave, so it didn't really matter. I just prefer to see him at his best, and a good guest makes for an even better Dave. We assumed he would have to pry the conversation out of her, typical supermodel stuff - we didn't anticipate her being so incredibly vapid and unintentionally hilarious that we would get primo Dave! He played off her perfectly, she couldn't have set him up more often if she had tried. The hell with feeling sorry or embarrassed for her - we just laughed AT her!

If Webster's needs an illustration for the word "bimbo," I have a suggestion for them.

And as if things weren't funny enough, Stage Manager Corky Ramirez chose this segment to fall flat on his butt right at the front of the stage, in full view of the audience. On the telecast you saw him standing up, after the fact - we saw him down. Being the sick puppy that I am, I laughed 'til I nearly cried. The guy could have been really hurt, but that simply didn't seem to matter. I'm so ashamed. (Nah!)

I'm so thrilled that John Fogerty was the musical guest. Not only is he a superb rocker, but one of my own generation. All this crap about Farrah looking so good for her age (she was actually a walking skeleton, with bone-dry skin and hair that's been bleached for way too many years) - what about John Fogerty? Now there's a babe! Not only did he blow the roof off the dump with two great songs, there was even a delightful, short interview.

Craig Kilborn was to be the third guest, after having been bumped from the show before. Dave brought him out for the closing remarks, with many apologies. "My thanks to John Fogerty, and thanks also to Farrah Fawcett for almost being here." ALMOST being here! We went crazy, all that screaming and yelling was a heartfelt response to that remark. Dave, you got THAT one right!

And then it was over. Dave thanked the audience, and the pages immediately started clearing the theater. However, Marilyn and I had imposed upon the kindness of a Late Show Online staffer who offered to let us take pictures at Dave's desk - he would meet us at our seats immediately after the show. So we sat there. The pages gave us dirty looks, and other audience members probably figured us to be troublemakers - after all, hadn't I made enough of a spectacle of myself to get chosen by Dave? And hadn't I called Alan over for a chat during a commercial? I'm sure the pages were plotting to physically remove us when our contact came bounding across the stage to greet us. Hah! By this time Dave's desk and chairs were already covered - so we uncovered them. First I was Dave and Marilyn was the guest, then visa versa. This is a very cool thing. We immediately replaced the covers, causing very little disruption.

Once we were outside the theater, we thought about hanging around to get pictures of Dave - again. After some discussion, we chose to leave Dave in peace this time. We'd had a sensational day and we didn't need any more. After a cool-down in Starbucks, Marilyn set about hailing a cab to get to the train station - and who was standing about 10 feet away? Barbara Gaines! "So what'd you think of Farrah?" I asked her. "It reminded me of the old days," Barbara said wearily. When the first available taxi came along, she told Marilyn to take it - she's just that nice.

My flight home was cancelled and when I was finally able to get a flight 5 hours later, I was bumped up to first class. My seat mate was a very nice woman who asked why I'd been in New York. She proceeded to hear the entire Dave story, start to finish, with the emphasis on what a bimbo Farrah had been. Eventually I found out she's a producer for Good Morning America. Farrah was supposed to be on GMA the following Monday ... but she wasn't. Coincidence?

So that's my second Late Show experience - and Marilyn's tenth. I have no complaints at all - how could I? I didn't get the ham, but I will survive. I spoke to Dave, I got into the opening remarks. We saw a sex symbol make a damned fool of herself, and heard some kickass rock'n'roll. Above all, Dave was in top form. It couldn't have been better.

I don't know if / when I'll go again ... but if / when I do, I'm going with Marilyn and we're going to have another hell of a time!

For more photo's see Marilyn's Pathetic Page

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